Thursday, January 8, 2009

40 day fast

Wow, i have a lot to blog about so first i will start sharing about my 40day fast. Around the middle of September i felt the Lord was calling me to a 40 day liquid fast. So i prayed more about it and decided i would start the week before Thanksgiving that way it would take me into the new year. So i felt God gave me some strategy on it and it was to be a liquid fast with some protein drinks mixed in and mostly fruit and vegetable juices. i felt the Lord wanted to speak to me in lots of different ways. I knew part of it was for Stella and part was for obedience and part was to hear the Lord. I think the biggest thing i have taken away from it is a since of self control. i absolutely loved that i made it all 40 days, including Thanksgiving, my birthday and Christmas. It felt so good to not fall short and cheat or feel like i was missing out. I was never just exhausted like i normally am when i fast. i had energy, i even worked for Andy most of the time. i felt the Lord gave me some insight to my weight and the traps that ensnare me so much of the time. Being bored is huge!!! Being bored or being bored with food, it was interesting to drink the same thing day after day after day. i became okay with it knowing that it was what my body was needing. So now im eating more veggies because i know it's what my body is needing and i'm okay with that. If you have ever struggled with your weight this next part will totally make since to you. i didn't realize this at the time but i listened to a CD about fears and false refugees. i didn't realize i was fearful of getting really obese. However when i was listening i remembered saying (in the past) that i just wish i would hurry up and get really fat that way i just wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Which i know sounds totally stupid but i said it. i think out of fear, and out of self pity and self hatred even. But now i can renounce that fear and i know i'm not going to ever be really obese because that is not my portion. i am worthy of more than that because i am a daughter to the King. He desires me to be healthy. It's funny how what we say can make life easy or hard. i want to be positive, think positive act positive and talk positive. Did i make a new years resolution, no! However since i am done with working for Andy i can now work out on my elliptical and get back into my core exercising, which i have done all week. It's time to start thinking about me, not only me but my kids my husband all my family. i want to be active and do the things they enjoy and just flat out be healthy. So i say i'm done with the 40 day fast but not totally. i don't feel quite released to go back to all foods. i'm trying to stay away from bread, just a little meat and no sweets just yet. I'm really cutting back on caffeine too. So now i'm eating better and smaller portions and getting ready for Stella. That's part of the reason for not being totally released yet. i want to really feel the Lords heart for Stella, i know that He loves her but i want to know more so that's where my time is going right now. i'm sure there's so much more i could say but i'm running short of time.
My next post will most likely be about Stella and not to forget we are totally in a new year, that's gotta be talked about too. So for now that's all,
Be joyful today!